Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower. ~Albert Camus

Fall has always, and will always, hold a special place in my heart. It's one of the most beautiful times of the year, as Heavenly Father paints the leaves the colors of warmth and invites them to blanket the ground in preparation for winter. Everything is brilliant in the fall, from the colors to the cheers in the football stadium.

Autumn decorates our floors with crumpled up leaves, mementos of time spent outside running through crunchy carpet throwing confetti dropped from trees at each other and down the necks of hoodies and jackets. It encourages our feet as we walk to school, the brisk chill coloring our noses and ears as a prelude to the frigid air of winter. But it slows our hurry on our way home, calling to us to play, to stay a while in the beautiful colors and breathe the thrill of the season.

The word Fall can be defined in several ways, including "to come to rest". The Season of Fall is when the world is starting to settle down for the long winter nap. It gathers all of its resources and hurls them into the world in preparation for the cold and frozen landscape that will soon cling to our eyelashes and cheeks. It's a lovely time of harvest when pumpkins gather and children can be heard squealing with delight at the beauty that surrounds them.

Oh Fall!
I prefer your gold, orange, and red flowers
to any other time of year.

The Broken Road

Rascall Flatts seems to write and sing songs about my life. But I think The Broken Road probably takes the cake. I was thinking today, about boys I dated that finally led me to choosing Derek. The ones I loved, the ones I didn't, the ones that lasted a long time, the ones that were just a first date. Some broke my heart, others, I regret to say, had their hearts broken by me.

People have asked me if I would go back and change things, if I regret getting into so many relationships, especially while Derek was gone. Honestly, I don't regret the time I spent with a single one of them. Of course there are things ABOUT each relationship I regret but overall, I wouldn't go back and erase the time I spent with those men.

Perhaps it will sound cliche, but honestly-I learned a lot from every one of them. I learned how to love. I learned what it means to care more about the other person than yourself. In their own way, they all taught me confidence in myself. They taught me to never give up on myself. Several of them taught me how important it is to communicate, to really explain what's going on inside your head. Am I perfect at any of that yet? No, not yet. But I'm working on it.

I guess the most important thing, is that I learned what I really wanted. Each of them had traits I knew I wanted to emulate, to develop, and find in the person I would eventually marry, whether it was one of them or someone in the future. That's why you date, isn't it? Of course part of dating is having a good time, running around enjoying life together. Having those moments where you think you love that person so much you might burst. And then later, you find out what REAL love is. Not that you didn't love them, of course you did. But that love is just a precursor to a much better, deeper love.

I feel like this is a whole bunch of thoughts crammed into one, but I guess that happens.

today at work

I came across a funny story. Just thought I'd share it, for fun.
It was in the Laron, Illinois Home Journal on August 2, 1882.

A french lady died at the advanced age of 90, Her will contain[ed] this provision: "I leave my physician, whose enlighten[ne]d care and wise prescriptions have made me live so long, all that is contained in the oaken chest in my boudoir. The key of the chest will be found under the mattress of my bed." The heirs were much disturbed, for they foresaw a material diminution of their share of the property. the fortunate and expectant physician at length arrived. The notary delivered to him the key of the chest. It was opened, and found to contain solely all the drugs and potions, still intact, which the worthy physician had given his patient for twenty years back.

What a lovely surprise. :-)

Hope

I ran across this link from a friend's page on facebook, and I think it's amazing. I'm so grateful for all the many blessings I have. Especially the blessing of knowing that Jesus Christ is always there for us. He is the Great Healer. He can help us overcome any trial. I know this to be true.

Finding Hope

Hope you enjoy this and get as much out of it as I did.

Sooners...who?

The Cougars did awesome this weekend, Derek and I both agree. As we were watching the game, we kept seeing this absolutely HIDEOUS mascot running around. It was an OU Sooner (see photograph to the right). It looked like a horse with a huge head (frankly, it looked like a disgrace to such a beautiful and noble creature). And we both looked at each other and thought, "What is a Sooner anyway?"

So, I did a little research this morning (all right, I used Wikipedia) and found this:

The term Sooners was used to describe settlers who entered the Unassigned lands, located in the current state of Oklahoma, before President Grover Cleveland officially proclaimed them open to settlement...The name derived from the "sooner clause" of the Indian Appropriation Act, which stated that no one should be allowed to enter and occupy the land prior to the opening time and that such people would be denied rights to illegally claimed land.

Sooners were often deputy marshals, land surveyors, railroad employees, and others who were able to legally enter the territory early.Some sooners crossed into the territory illegally at night and were originally called "moonshiners" because they entered "by the light of the moon." These sooners would hide in ditches at night and suddenly appear to stake their claim after the land run started, hours ahead of legal settlers.

Ha, so a bunch of outlaws. NICE.

Frankly I will keep my freaking awesome mascot.

GO COSMO!

Did you know

that if you suck on your husband's face, even as a joke, in front of his whole family, for just a few seconds, it leaves a mark?


how embarrassing.

Wish I had

I really wish I had kept a blog while I was in London.

I've seriously thought about adding things from my journal and my emails home and just...MAKING a blog now. Now that's it's been almost a year and half...

But I think that would be kind of lame.

But it was lame of me not to do it in the first place.

So which is more lame?

Dear Journal

So, I was thinking today, on my break at work, since I am still at work, that I have been putting all of my deeper thoughts on this blog and neglecting my Journal. yes, I still write in my Journal every day, but what happened to those days when I would cart it around everywhere and tell it all of my innermost thoughts and explain the mysteries of the universe that I discovered, my spiritual insights/aha moments, and random moments when I felt so incredibly thankful I thought I might burst? I don't know. Now, I think of splashing those thoughts onto my blog page instead of the pages of my ever faithful and constant friend, Journal.

Then there are the people that will say "just print off your blog posts". NO. a resounding

!!!!!!!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!!

I will not succumb to treating my posterity like they are nothing by printing the pages of this impostor and paste it into my journal! I will not deprive them of my horrific handwriting! I will NOT!

So, I've decided, no matter how heavy my backpack is (and it really isn't that bad), I am going to start carrying my dear Journal around again. And I will fill it with my insights, my worthless pieces of knowledge that don't really mean anything to anyone but myself and Journal. And we shall be dearest friends again, not just ten minutes at night before I go to sleep friends. Yay. I can't wait to be best friends again.

oh, but I won't stop blogging. don't worry.

Pause.

Ok, yes. So I'm married. I'm NOT dead and I didn't suddenly become super boring.

Or did I?

I never used to have that awkward pause in conversations when I ran into friends. You know the, "Oh my gosh Hi! It's been forever? How's life?" etc.

But now

that pause

seems to be there

every time.

What happened to me? Am I scary? Do single people not know how to talk to someone who sleeps in the same bed, does their laundry with, and brushes their teeth with a boy? Was I like that when I was single with my married friends? Gosh....I hope not.

Ok, ok, so it doesn't happen with EVERY one of my single friends. But I guess I suddenly stepped into a world they know nothing about. Sort of like Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy coming back from Narnia and try to be normal around and with other people. You just "know" something they don't and they somehow sense that and don't know what to say or do around you.

Or is it that you are suddenly uncool because you don't go on dates with random people? Or when you look at a cute guy you aren't looking for yourself any more (or if you are it's all look and no desire to touch)?

So maybe I AM suddenly boring. Maybe that's why people don't know what to say to me...

Huh. Dunno.

Hitting the Books

Another first day of school has come around. Derek and I got our backpacks put together last night, all of our school supplies tucked safely inside, just like when we were little. But now, instead of a pencil box full or crayons and Elmer's glue, we have thick text books and ball point pens, plain college ruled paper, and graphing calculators (at least Derek has one).

I used to plan out my wardrobe for the first week or so of school, putting each top and bottom on a hanger in my closet where I could just grab it the night before and lay it out on the foot of my bed. I must admit, I barely thought about what I was going to wear today; maybe for a minute last night. I would get up and do my hair just so and leave plenty early to see my friends. This morning I combed my hair and pulled my bangs back, and left at 7:45, content to just get to work on time at 8.

I used to wonder who was going to be in my class, if there would be any cute boys, and if my teacher would like me. Now, I usually don't know a soul in any of my classes, unless it was predetermined by us, I could care less if there were cute boys (I'm married!) and I have to work hard to be noticed enough for my professor to have an opinion about me. Do I mind any of those changes? No, not really. I get to meet new people, I'm perfectly happy being married, and I like the challenge of getting to know my professors.

So yes, the first day of school is very different now. But I don't mind a bit. I've grown up I guess. But there are certainly some things that will never change.

For example, excitement over going school supply shopping. I have hauled Derek through the school supply section in Wal*mart so many times, I'm sure he has it memorized by now. But there's something about new notebooks, clean binders, newly sharpened pencils, and brand-spankin' new gel pens that make my heart race. It's exciting! I always want to buy a new set of crayons, even if I will never use them, a new cute binder, a bouquet of pencils, and two new boxes of Crayola Washable Markers (skiny tip and wide tip). But, now that I'm a "big girl" I have to practice restraint and remember I have tuition to pay and not go crazy. This year, I bought a new binder (it was on sale) and four new pens. I felt proud of myself for not spurging this year.

And there's always the excitement of new classes and new knowledge that I'm going to acquire this semester. What's not to love? I get to sit at the feet of some of the brighest minds in the world and learn from them. I get a fantastic education that I don't pay out the nose for. And I go to a school whose buildings are dedicated temples of learning. There's not much to complain about while at BYU.

Besides....football season starts this week....